2005-08-31

My City is Gone

This is how people that once lived in NYC must've felt when 9/11 happened. The city I grew up in is gone. I will never again be able to stand in the French Quarter and haggle with the wacky Liberian guy over his cheap jewelry or stand on the levee and look out into the Gulf of Mexico or rightfully complain how Jax Brewery had turned from a brewery into a shopping mall or walk around plastered on Bourbon Street at 2 in the afternoon or stand back in awe at the incredible fusion of French and Spanish architechture that made the buildings so unique.
From what I understand, all of that is gone. It's been said New Orleans will never recover. They arent letting people back into the city for at least 3 months. When the rescue workers encounter a house with dead bodies, they simply mark the door with an "X" and move on to look for survivors. My brother in law is now on his way down from Mobile, AL to join the search and rescue efforts.
Thankfully, all of my family is ok considering where they are in Mobile was hit pretty hard as well.
So many memories, no doubt my elementary and middle schools have been washed away.
They are trying to plug up the levees with barges.
There are bodies and sewage floating everwhere. All that can be seen are what is left of rooftops. The poor people have no where to go and no money to get there.
I'm really not sure what to think.
But I think I will do this as soon as I get some extra money.

christ

So i accidentally ripped the paint off the wall of my beautiful new apartment. I didnt realize that double sided mounting tape doesnt like to some off. The funny thing is, i was using the tape because i didnt want to put a hole in the wall. Any advice is appreciated on how to fix this little problem.

progress report #1

So today i began breaking down a short film script written by my friend Josh in Atlanta and his inspiration turtle Fred. Put some feelers out for cast and crew and am awaiting resposes. Began budgeting as well.

2005-08-29

Hokay

Hokay. Ive decided its time to shit or get off the pot. I am giving myself until January to make some progress in my chosen field, or I will condemn the rest of my life to cubicle dwelling Dilbert-ness.
Time's running out, its time to cash in my chips.
I will keep a regular journal of my progress in the form of daily blog posts. Please scream at me if there is not one every day.
if something doesnt happen soon, I just may turn into this guy.
More to come.

2005-08-27

I have Officially Sold Out

I took a promotion which is making me forego everything i know about how things are done and adopt 'thier way' of doing things, which is WRONG!
im officially selling my soul for health insurance and i feel like im slitting my throat and giving up on all ive worked for. the man has won. Big Brother has won. Sigh.

2005-08-19

54.25% Pure. yeah right.

I scored 54 and 1/4 % pure on the classic Purity Test.
ironic, eh?
i think they are asking the wrong questions.

Risk Assessment

"I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you." --Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, 'full metal jacket'


Risk Assessment

(via Baka San)

2005-08-17

superb

time to find a job within walking distance....

article

a reflective ego

I always feel like Death is looking over my shoulder.
Its very difficult for me to make plans since whenever I do, i wonder "will i be alive then?"
Very odd i think.
Am i afraid of the future?
Or have i been so completly bombarded with the facts and statistics of today that I, like many others in Gen X/Y, feel that life itself is worth very little and can be taken at any given moment by any given event?
I think this notion also works itself into my psyche when undertaking new projects, that my subconcious feels it doesnt want to leave anything unfinished, and since i could leave at any moment, whats the point in starting anything?
whats inside that makes me think underneath and sideways?
I frequently feel as if I am part of an experiment, and that i am constantly being tested on my reactions to things, forever thinking them through, rarely acting without weighing consequences. As if "is this the way a normal person would react or should i do it this way because maybe this is the way a normal person would react?"
forever questioning, perhaps i dont trust myself?
I wonder.
hm.

2005-08-15

Chistopher Walken for President!

www.walken2008.com. (just cut and paste it already)

2005-08-13

Ice Cream and Orgasms

...2 things I like. Well it took 2 and a half years, but on August 12, 2005, New York finally started to feel like home.Then I began to wonder what I was outrunning all those times I have moved (On average every 6-9 months since leaving home at 17). I was outrunning my dissapointment in myself. Once I have time to sit and think about all I have not accomplished, i leave, providing a "settling in" distraction for a good few months, then once I inevitably get back to a reflective point when I once again realize where I really am in life, its time to move again.
I think this current reflective period is brought on by the fact that I have not watched television in a month and a half and can only get one (soft pop) radio station (which is coming in from Conneticut) in my apartment that is on 24/7 since its too quiet when its just me here. I think i have heard the same KellyClarkson/RobThomas/CountingCrows song about 9,562 times and counting.
btw-interesting to note i got 4 comments on the previous post regarding how to post a link while it seems no one actually WENT TO the webpage i was posting. I love America.

2005-08-12

Bush's Vanity War

ok, i dont know how to make a link so you can just click on it, forgive me, i know the cutting and pasting is horribly difficult, but o it anyway. its worth it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/theblog/archive/cindy-sheehan/this-is-george-bushas-a_5472.html

Days go by

The days are just a blur. I could swear it is still last week some time. All I have time to do is work, come home and sleep for 8-10 hours depending on how exausted I am, Then get ready to go back to work. Im pretty sure I got the promotion I had hoped for, but that means 3 weeks of training = 70 hour work weeks. Yay. My philosophy is that lower income jobs keep thier intelligent employees by working them too hard for them to have time to find a better job, or even realize they are capable of getting one. My job offers a generous tuition assistance program, only availible to full time employee, most of which are too busy with thier families and thier 40+ hours of work to take advantage of it. It is offered because the company knows not many will be able to take advantage of it.
Oh, and did I mention They are bringing back "Flair"?
(guess where I work)
Ive got to go buy some buttons.

2005-08-11

awww....I am le sad....*sniff*

http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/movies/article.adp?id=20050810181309990010

always thought he would be a nice man to meet from the interviews i saw with him. he seemed extremly down to earth and like a nice person.

HELL YEAH!

http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/music/article.adp?id=20050811005809990018

thats right, stick it to the man!

2005-08-10

Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me

needs sound.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/bunny.php

2005-08-07

le sigh

ok now im tired and depressed again. this is getting annoying. i dont like drugs, but i may go back on meds just so i can get on with my life.
and i always feel the only reason people talk to me or show me any attention is because they feel sorry for me, that they really think i am pathetic and they are doing a good deed by being nice to me.
thats a whole session in therapy right there.
im taking a nap.

2005-08-04

insomnia 2: the return of insomnia

http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgsmenu.html
issues 3 and 4 are best.

Insomnia

yet again. what to rant about save for the Russian asleep on my floor and my hatred of my job(s). Seems that everyone I am surrounded with is about (on average) 3 years younger than me and still living with thier parents. Very hard to relate to them. they are all very nice people, just unfortunately, not on the same level as I am in terms of responsibilities. I want to be a scientist, an artist, a fashion designer, a musician, a teacher...all things i cannot do because of these responsibilities I have had since the age of 17, and it is very frustrating to see those around having so very little to stress about while also being handed oppurtunites i never had the chance to work for. very frustrating.
I doubt i will call NY my home much longer. Too expensive and unreal.

2005-08-02

well

...that was a painful attempt at fitting in. i should just face it: i am not a social animal and hiding under the stairs with my computer is not a bad way to live. I am feeling slighted by my old friends, an outcast among outcasts. im the lone one to escape, to break through to the other side, to expect more from life and from myself. having such high expectations for yourself means you are dissapointed often, but rarely without progress of some sort.
I think my next stop will be Vienna.

2005-08-01

hokay

ok so that interesting little bout of depression has come and gone. i still have yet to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, starring my husband Johnny Depp. (Im sure as soon as he finds out I am interested he will dump that French model chick.)
Got some peeps comin over to the new pad to play poker today, ought to be interesting. Or not. Whatever, its a break from the norm, which is what I need right now. Fear Im falling into the comfortable grind of the normal 9 to 5er, though my hours are far from 9-5. I just worry I am getting too comfortable in my current dead end job and losing the ambition to move up in the world and, eventually, take it over completly. Still working on a super nifty script with my screenwriter friend in Atlanta, but cutting out parts of the original story feels like slitting the throats of my own children. But, alas, its neccessary to make sure the movie isnt 10 hours long.
A thereapist once told me these weblog things were theraputic. We'll see I guess.